Siblings

Helping your children to cope when they have a sick brother or sister

Much attention is given to helping a sick child cope with the stress of being ill and in hospital. However the siblings of sick and hospitalised children can often be upset and anxious also. The level of this upset can depend on many different factors. These can include:

♦ Their personality

♦ How close they are to the sick child

♦ The seriousness of their brother's or sister's illness

♦ The disruption to their family life in general

♦ How much time their parents have to spend caring for and being with the sick child

♦ How they are included in the process.

Siblings can react a number of ways to having a sick or hospitalised brother or sister; it is important to remember that each child is different and will cope in a different way. For example they may:

♦ Seek attention by acting out

♦ Return to behaviour they had left behind - become more babyish

♦ Have trouble sleeping

♦ Become more nervous

♦ Have difficulty at school

As a parent, you know your child best and will know if your well children are experiencing difficulties. There are a number of ways in which you can help them cope.

Let them know honestly what is happening; this is very important. You need to give them the information in a way they can understand but do not give them more information than your sick child has.

With older children you can talk about the situation and let them know that whatever they are feeling is okay. You can communicate with younger children who haven't yet developed verbal skills through pretend play, picture books and story telling.

Involve your well children - but don't put pressure on them - in the care of their sick brother of sister. You can also ask them to "help out" with other tasks to keep them from feeling left out. 

Meeting with the siblings of other of sick children or reading books about similar situations will help, as will visiting the hospital and joining in with play activities in the ward or playroom. Remember that well children will also need to be prepared for a visit to the hospital.

Understanding some of the feelings experienced by well siblings may assist you in helping them to deal with their brother or sister's illness. They may feel:

 

• Jealous or left out because all the attention is going to their sick brother or sister
• Angry with parents who "allowed" their brother or sister to become ill or because plans have had to change because of the illness
• Worried that their brother or sister may not get better or that they may also become ill
• Guilty because they may imagine something they have said or done is the cause of their brother or sister's illness. They may also feel guilty because they are well and their brother or sister is ill.
• Embarrassed by having a sick brother or sister